trigger warnings: i take accountability for the fact that i have not done tws in the past. i will from now on be conscious of putting "tw: [content that may be triggering]" before posts that i think need that. i will also put those into the tags for use w/ things like savior. please let me know a preferred system for you/tw's that i do not do that you need and/or want.
I want to be with you. I wanna go live in a house together. Invite Alyssa and mike to come w dogs and cats in tow. I wanna have a queer commune collective resources sex-gender-body-skill trades. I wanna sleep in a different soft or hard place every night tempered with love. I wanna invite all travelers and displaced folx a place to rest their spirit soul and head. I wanna share toys partners stories loves cultures foods friends non secrets. I wanna have different levels balconies pools skate areas play areas all with elevators escalators alarms with lights sounds and vibrations. I wanna have a haven and hard conversations and work to struggle through together. I wanna be real about my wants needs capacity strengths weaknesses process. I wanna invite family over to weave a patch onto our quilt borne of love pain experience vulnerability in/visibility pressure force. I wanna break bread nori beans bottles boundaries walls borders with y’all. I wanna listen and not respond. Feel you in my core. Spread spirit throughout the space. Engage differently and constantly every day. Give all I want and got and keep some for me too. Love loving my body gender people roots nests flight leaves feathers pieces shattered and together. I wanna set cruise control on long road trips with hard conversations and through new grounds always. I want to recognize the way our mind bodies and spirits are colonized and settled in. I want to reclaim that and disclaim ownership over property land and other people’s emotions. I wanna get past “this stuff” and jump right in. I want both and. I want me. I want to be seen when I am unsure. I wanna see your energy and aura. I wanna call out privilege and appropriation and violence in my self others and our space. I wanna rainbow composed of different size color body ability sound senses feelings.Tru 사랑
I am cracked pavement longboard wheelz rolling over rocks dust debris.
I am back path trails to soccer practice littered with beer bottles cigarette butts.
I am smoldering remnants of the home you left us for. I am absent from those ashen walls now.
I am sunrise appearing from foggy darkness and unknown sqwacks over the Jamestown near the power plant.
I am mouths full of salad grapefruit multiple glasses of water and half a plate of actual substance.
I am omelets and water pitches after jiu jitsu practice.
I am kimchi rinsed off in water I am bulgogi with a shirley temple on the rocks on the side.
I am no butter oils fats smiles fulfillment.
I am my older sister and the distorted reflections in teary red eyes.
I am a piece of dirt in Pusan. A tiny X chromosome grappling with liminal space.
I am on a plane to travel somewhere. To visit grown over graves. Make a nest and root. I am unidirectional without a trajectory. I am in a space that is not mine. Never was.
I am screaming shrieking begging pounding 춘교 사랑해 안미래
Core fragments hardening on the bloody soil stolen from countless folx rendered nameless faceless without history or stories or voice.
I am rage borne of love and pain embodied.
so my (first ever) family reunion is coming up and I’m trying to prepare myself for all of the possible questions from relatives that I haven’t seen in 3+ years. I’ve since changed in appearance, practice and belief as I’m sure everyone else attending has in some way too. I secure knowing that I have the support of my dad/his wife in being as honest as I want about my partner/my identity (even though I think others’ understanding of my identity and relationship is very limited at this point, even correct terminology is still absent most of the time). I’m also anxious because I don’t want to come out as [insert any term here] right now. I’m caught between wanting to be inclusive & needing to feel comfortable with what I call myself and feeling obligated to have a single word to give people as an answer when they ask.
“hey family. so I’ve been wanting to tell you that I’m… Ari. Hope you still love me!”
but srsly. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I have pamphlets to hand out.