Or be rectangular prism

Ari Wow. 21. Queer. Mixed. Prefer to be referred to as: "Ari."
N. Virginia born, NoVA&Cali raised.
Into Feelings&Thoughts.

trigger warnings: i take accountability for the fact that i have not done tws in the past. i will from now on be conscious of putting "tw: [content that may be triggering]" before posts that i think need that. i will also put those into the tags for use w/ things like savior. please let me know a preferred system for you/tw's that i do not do that you need and/or want.

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Pronouns and Corrections and Power

Got called ”sir” today at my job. after I turned to answer the individual seemed flustered and began muttering apologies/corrections.

I don’t mind being addressed with he/him/his; it happens all the time and i can understand how gender cues are confusing and constantly changing.

What is somewhat uncomfortable is what happens after someone believes they have used the wrong pronouns. Sometimes, like with the check-in clerk at the clinic, they just avoid further eye contact and pronoun usage and hand me my hot pink forms that say FEMALE across the top (problematic: why GYN forms and things pertaining to body parts should not be categorized as “Female/Male”—read Dean Spades article). Others repeatedly apologize, sometimes accompanied by the individual correcting themselves and repeatedly using “the right” pronouns (but did I correct you or tell you what pronouns I prefer? How do you know the one’s you’ve switched to are “correct”?) 

I guess the problem I have with people freaking out so much about using the “wrong pronouns” is that it really shouldn’t be such a big deal. Why should I be so offended to be read as male if that is not how I identify. I don’t want to undermine anyone’s identity; it is way different and hurtful and wrong when someone’s identity is purposely ignored or delegitimized. But when someone makes a mistake with pronouns, or reads me as the “wrong gender,” they act as if they just committed the greatest offense to humankind.

By correcting themselves so fiercely, it seems to serve more to reinforce the gender-binary and allow them to feel better about making me feel bad (again their assumption about how I feel). The assumption that if I don’t identify as male and use male pronouns, then I must automatically identify as female and use female pronouns completely usurps my right to self define. And why do you assume that it’s only one or the other and not both or a mixture and some completely different other things you’ve never thought of? And all of this happens without my ability to say “yes,” “no” or if “I couldn’t care less.”

Just some thoughts!

Why you mad? Just tryn’a do me. (pictures make things funner!)